For the one who desires to see beyond mental chaos, they must be willing to admit in silence that they don’t know what it is they’re looking for.
We naturally come to this space of emptiness as we start to see the eventual collapse of all we are chasing.
Everything we run towards, everything we are trying to figure out, and everything we hope for in tomorrow, ultimately shows itself as fleeting and unsustainable. It’s the inevitable collapse of everything we hold dear.
What we start to realize, in some form or another, is that we really don’t know. We then play mind games with ourselves and begin to cautiously ‘think’ we know, but then we see that our thinking is only avoiding the obvious. We are fucking clueless. This is mental chaos.
The general fear here, is the unknown. It is the loss of stability in who we ‘thought’ we were. Depending on how far down the rabbit hole you go, you’ll find an element of despair that can seem dark, lonely, and isolated in a void of nothingness. Usually at this point, suicidal thoughts are knocking with great enthusiasm.
We see something profound and dangerous at the same time. However, in our confusion it gets interpreted as… “I don’t matter, and there’s no meaning to my life.”
The profound part is, “-who you think you are doesn’t matter, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” The dangerous part is, to believe you are who you think you are.
This is where the mind fuckery begins, and mental chaos ends.
You see, in our despair we crave connection with something real, worthwhile and loving. Something in us feels incredibly separate, like the puzzle piece that fell out of the box on the way home. Left there, along side the road with no chance of finding the other pieces.
We crave sincerity of union, which is to feel a sense of belonging in the world in which we stand. However… we are going about it in the most disastrous way possible. We are looking for this connection for/in/and through, who we ‘think’ we are.
Notice this, when the mind looks at something, what does it see? For example, if there is anyone close to you, look at them; even if it’s a picture, that would work too.
Now ask yourself sincerely, do I really see them, or do I only see the mind’s comments about them? What do you see? The realness of them, or the mind’s interpretation based on your conditioning?
What’s the difference?
When a white racist man looks at a black man, do you think he sees him really, or does he see his conditioning that says..? “His black skin threatens how important I think I am.” When the mind comments on something, it doesn’t actually comment on that something. The racist man’s mental commentary, only comments on the minds commentary. What the mind sees, is only what the mind creates.
Can you see how the commentary of the mind, is creating images that aren’t really here? Racist images, sad images, lost images, painful images, exciting images, happy images, embarrassing images, etc, etc, etc.
What is this something being observed, before the mind turns it in to something it is not?
Obviously I can’t tell you, or the mind that’s reading these words will just create an image of what it thinks I’m saying. One has to experience what I’m pointing to, in order to fully hear what I’m saying.
In part, what I’m pointing to, is the disastrous attempt to connect to the imagined images rather than connecting to the realness of what’s before you. The failure of connection begins and ends with the self you are connected to.
For the racist white man, his failure to connect with the black man, is because he attempts to solidify an image of himself as better than another. Do you see that “better than” is just another imagined image, and doesn’t actually exist in the reality of life? So as he connects with a false image in himself, it’s impossible for him to connect with anything that is real, worthwhile, and authentically loving. He starts from a false pretense, therefore ends on a false note which only results in feeling threatened, separate, and afraid.
If we are feeling disconnected, separate, lonely, isolated, etc, it can only be because we are connecting or identifying the self with something that’s not real.
Do you notice, in every attempt to connect with an image of something, as who you are, it can never be true or real; and will only exist as a mental reflection of nothing. Of course it feels worthless, it’s not real! Its mental chaos.
The opportunity here, is to -fully- acknowledge the mind’s absolute failure in seeing life, seeing circumstance, and most important of all in seeing the self. I’m speaking to the failure of seeing the realness of life, of you, which is what you actually want to connect with.
The collapse of who we are thought to be is a natural unfolding of waking up to a deeper truth and more authentic connection with Life as a whole. Yes, it can seem like a very real death, however…. death, is yet another image of the mind.
It’s not that.