Wake Up…Rest In The Truth
Yesterday I received a frantic text message from someone, it said… “please help, I don’t care what it costs.” At first, I didn’t know who it was from, but then the Canadian area code gave it away. It was someone who had purchased 4 private phone sessions with me almost 4 months ago, and we’ve been playing this game of “not yet ready to go that deep.”
Her text message arrived at the perfect time, in the way that I was lying down on the couch, playing candy crush, waiting for my partner to get ready so we could go into the city and play. Rarely, am I one to respond to messages of distress, because often times it’s a movement that is merely throwing a tantrum that says… ‘help me put my story back together.’ In this space, there isn’t much room to hear the truth.
However in this case, my heart knew what was happening. This person knew the end had come. She knew there was nowhere else to go, and for her, it was either ‘kill myself or wake up.’
I called her, she was hysterical on the other end of the line. I had to put the phone on speaker to create some distance, from her story of pain reaching into my ear. It was the end for her, she had tried and tried and tried to wake up; tried to do it right, tried to get there. And yet, she was nowhere. Simply right back where she started 12 years ago.
My partner, Samira, sat quietly next to me for an hour with a divine patience and profound appreciate for what was being experienced. I could write a book on what happened, however I will make it incredibly short here and now.
Essentially… I told her to “shut up. Stop talking. Every time you say something about your pain you’re running away from the reality, every time you try and fix yourself, you’re running away from the truth, every time you think about why it’s happening, you’re avoiding the truth. Stop. Shut up.”
“Now feel. Just be quiet. Feel.”
I could feel the terror in her breath. I said… “Notice how the terror, the fear, is being held. Notice the space between the realness of you, and the feeling. Feel that space.” She started to mumble something, “Shut up!” I said, “just feel it. You don’t need to say anything about it, just feel it.”
This went on for about 30 minutes, back and forth between holding space, and trying to say something about it. I could feel her breath breathing love into the feeling. Inviting her to hold space for the child within who is terrified. That little girl who’s scared of not being loved. “So love her. Don’t run away form her. Let her be afraid.”
Toward the end, I said… “Now, in this space, what is it you’re afraid of?” There was a soft silence, then she said… “all is see is letters, I see the word fear all in lower case.”
“EXACTLY” I exclaimed. “Exactly. What you are afraid of, is the fear itself. You’re afraid to feel afraid, and the fear, is nothing, it’s four tiny little letters.”
I cannot adequately describe with words what was seen in these moments for her and I. As she said plainly, “FUCK ME!” with a smile I could feel through the phone. “Oh My God! I FEEL IT, OMG. I’ve never FELT IT before, I mean!!! I’ve read about it, I thought I knew it, I’ve talked about it, I’ve heard it, but FUCK! I’ve never FELT IT BEFORE!!!
Samira and I just smiled, with a Joy that confirmed the beauty of all that is. A beauty, that we cannot really talk about.
Our friend on the other end of the line saw something beyond what the eyes could see, beyond what the mind could know, but something only the Truth of You can touch. She said “You just saved my life, I feel it, everything is happening here and now, and only in now. It’s all here, I don’t have to do anything.”
The Truth will set you Free. Are you willing to make contact with the Truth? Are you willing to not run, are you willing to let go of your personal will that tries so desperately to figure it out? This becomes possible, when you see there is nowhere to go, every effort to go and find it, in the world or in the mind, is an effort that hides from it.
You are, the Truth You Seek. Now Rest in it.
early bird rates end in a few days
December 13th (5 or 10 night retreat)