I had such a beautiful conversation the other day about how I was being perceived in a way that was distant, cold, and unavailable.
What was discovered by the other, before brining it up to me, was the recognition of seeing me not how I was, but how they had hoped I would be. Their hope was for someone who would validated their personhood, and in essence, take away their insecurity. They noticed that everything I did, was taken personally as if it was a direct rejection of their separate self.
In the projection of inadequacy, this person intentionally pulled away from me. Their perception of how I was, was then created within their self.
What was really happening, was that the play of tiger outside of satsang, is often quiet, reserved, and… boring. This person wanted something without asking for it, only assuming it ‘should’ be available to them. What they noticed eventually, was that I was available, I was open to hear them, they just had to be open about to it first.
You see? We tend to see others in the ways we see ourselves, and then by default we embody the deficiency we project on them. If we were open, we would see others as open; in their own perfect way.
What I noticed in this conversation was my disinterest in pleasing others, or trying to fix others, or making sure everyone around me is “okay.” Sometimes in appearance it’s a fine line between narcissism and genuine empathy. Meaning, it can look like I only care about myself, and in other times it can look like I deeply care about what is happening in the present moment of truth.
Sometimes that present moment of truth is to care for myself and embrace distance, especially as I’ve done 30 sharing sessions in the past 30 days. While also experiencing sadness from being away from my daughter and beloved.
Do you see what I’m saying? The invitation is to be cautious in your perception of others, and ask “I am really seeing them, or am I seeing my own insecurity that’s looking for something they can never me.”
If we really saw them, we would see their perfection. In that they are doing the best they can with what they have, and they aren’t any better or worse than you; they are equal. In this, they don’t have anything to give you if it’s not authentically and naturally there. So instead of projecting and assuming, ask; communicate how you’re feeling.
What’s so beautiful about this for me, is that I didn’t have to teach this to another, Life taught them, and life taught me. Sometimes what we think is so terrible, is actually a profound lesson of how amazing you are beyond the story of a separate self.
Love you ❤️
But it’s not personal